Recently on this posting space, the non-post has become a feature. I missed the entire month of June and let my creative energy lie fallow.

Truth be told, I’ve been hiding—cringing—cowering in plain sight with eyes closed. Trying to grasp what will be.

Facing myself and seeing this obstacle I have been blocked by transform into an offering. So now I must build the psychic conveyance I am to build.

The previous blueprint in my journal eighteen years ago was a test run on the prototype. Now’s the real unreal thing.

The trickster in me has tricked myself into knowing the way to build, and I’m now here in this valley of the skeleton trees with a slumbering sphinx. Special delivery from the other realm of imagination.

Okay, hold on to your self, because here we go. The ride starts here in a visible way. Hear it?

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to order out.  You still lose a turn and get the beat down.  I’ve been trying to get back into the process of generating new and exciting adventures on the Paulie channel.  Alas, real life has been demanding tribute in the form of everyday banality in the name of mere existence.

Maybe it’s the crummy summer solstice.  The height of the light in which the darkness is reborn and winter begins to regain its strength.  People have just been down.  The gnats and mosquitoes are out in force now and vicious in their quest for eyes and blood.  The weeds are thick and virulent, wide-awake drunk with the power of full-fledged summer tangle.  The humidity and searing heat of the long days drags on and on, bearing down on us with the ripeness of life as surely as the bleakness of cold twilight at the other edge of the scales.

I’ve been trying to get the full PDF of Diamond of Darkness up in the Gimmie Stuff page, but failure seems to have been on an auto-repeat for me and it’s all I can do but stare in horror as my blog posts and other projects twist like tendrils of cat puke in my hands.  Stuff is totally resistant to conscious intentions; I am in a moment of pause.  Come back later KTHXBYE.

World keeps on turning though.  Anybody want a slice?

I’ve kept my promise and let myself come out of the tomb to speak with the tools at my disposal. There’s still much work to do before this first novel can be considered fully complete; developing that aspect as I work on the next novel in the series, as well as other things I have in the creative hopper that need their turn.

This shipping out of chapters has been a sort of withdrawal for me; all my other usual artistic activities have strangely gone quiet and invisible.  The release of this first effort has taken a long time to arrive at, and letting it go has required the utmost of courage to undertake.  I decided to lower the cloaking shields and let the principled search engines in to catalog my site; it really is out there now for all to find, three years of internalized contemplation.

So much has gone into just this single act of a novel that I’m now in uncharted territories again. I have worked it as much as possible given the huge obstacle of just doing it. I had no idea how long it would take, even given an impeccable commitment. In a sense, this is where the real work begins; because having done it once, now I commit myself to further developments.

While I was releasing the chapters, I had a dream:  The universe recognized my offering and liked it, told me I’d done a good thing.

Rebuilding the back end of the site and generally working on new stuff.  Regression, withdrawal, mourning, elation. All shall spring forward in due time.

066_candleAs you once shined in my darkness with your goodness Molly, I shine in your darkness with my caring. My thoughts are prayers of light winging to you that you will find your way home.

With merry heart I pour libations upon the woken spring ground and down the hatch in your honor.  The inspired happiness of my innermost passion reflects a glow from the heavens no night may dim.

From the peak of my diamond island I flash a thunderous tumult for all to know that Molly Kleinman is my friend.  This humble candle brighter than any lighthouse I hold aloft and sing a song of returning to my lost friend.

Let her know peace!  Let her know home!  Let her know joy!  I ordain this under grace, thank you.

Snowmageddon 2010 has knocked out main systems over here; we’re on auxiliary power in the honeycomb hideout.  But the killer bees are making a nice sound and keeping us in plenty of delicious honey.

02-10-10 ETA: What does one do when snowed in by ice weasels and snow mutants? K and I are up in the crow’s nest, bedding and cats huddled together watching Season Two of Chuck (ahh, nerd projections of competence).  Long as auxiliary power holds up, we have beef stew, popcorn and hot cocoa. Outside, I can see icicles two stories tall.

02-13-10 ETA: Driving out to fetch groceries, I saw something I don’t know what to make of.  But it’s appropriate, considering the big dude dinner that was this snow nightmare.  I saw a pickup truck with plow set-up ditched on the side of the road in a drift.  The entire chassis was hollowed out and burnt as if previously engulfed in flames.  Hard times out there when you mess with snow mutants.

Snow mutants crushing all! They rise while others fall!

The incomparable Anne Wagener has done it again. I mentioned earlier that she had two short stories in the hopper, but she surprised me by ditching the observatory story and revealing something else instead. Wow, total bonus!

I read both of these stories and liked them very much.  Moved me deeply and freaked me out.  But I enjoy strange fiction with an introspective angle, so it’s my kind of thing.

  • This Piece of Me—A girl with an unusual characteristic, totally weird.
  • States of Water—Losing a best friend as rite of passage, heart crushing disturbia.

I swear, one of these days I’m going to see her stuff on a bookshelf or for sale to use on the Nook or Kindle.  Congratulations Anne, you keep writing girl. Rock the mike!

The surprises keep on coming.  A friend of mine is wrestling with her shadow, and exploring her deepest self right now.  Wounds, going straight to the core, hard stuff to untangle.  Her outward life is wonderful though.  She’s found a power of her own.  Awesome family, job that pays the bills and keeps her in the mix of what she likes.  Finding time to be creative despite her limits.

But oh, that wound.  She’s closed up, making time to be alone with her riddles now.  Can any of us undo a life-changing decision from the depths of time?  When we lose ourselves to the harsh cage we place over our true selves, what is the magic word that will spring us free?  The clock is ticking.

It’s a fathomless question, reaching down and above to both heaven and hell.  Here we are stuck in the middle and expected to have a clue.  That’s just how it is.  We have to pay the bills and we have to pay the price.  Both sides at once, all the while we’re running out of time to become whole before our grave cries “Bingo!”

Kimaroo, keep on truckin’.  You are wiser than you know and stronger than you realize.  Keep on doing yer time—there are miracles and get out of jail free cards and magic words.

Talk about the winter wolf howling in the foothills.  The bite of the cold snapping into every nook and cranny.

You see, it snowed today here in the locality.  For the first time this late in the year.  The balmy weather has been retreating, and this is the first howl I’ve heard of that wolf.  Likely the global warming robotazoids will push that wolf back north again for a week–after a freezing night we expect milder temperatures.  Fluctuations are now the norm as the monster from the Id busts down the climate door to make us pay for our disloyalty and disobedience to nature.

My friend Alexi is on the move, nomad that he is.  Letting go of his relationship with his girlfriend and moving again to follow his dream in Orlando, Florida.  I’m a little startled and a small bit scared for him.  It takes tremendous courage and faith to hear the calling of your heart and go into the unknown with a willing step.

But then I wonder if once he puts foot in that city he might not find the resources he’s looking for.  Alexi has been gathering up skills and experiences as if he were preparing for a new phase in his life.  Well, crumbs, my thoughts and feelings are with him.  Dude, may blessings and light clear your path, so that you might discover all the important, good stuff residing within you.

At least he will be out of range of the winter wolf’s bite.

At the top of the Paulie headlines today, my friend and hek-sistah Xtine has decided to seclude herself for some much-needed hermitage and non-engagement.  Considering all the magnificent finds she’s been digging up since she started blogging, I’m actually relieved she’s taking some time off.  We need both human contact and non-contact to remain human and grounded.

So here’s a super-duper shout out to my hek-sistah X.  Total love, blessings and light to yah from the bottom of my pond!

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