Time to go searching under the baseboards. A lyric from a song I’ve been listening to a lot lately has been running in my mind. Listen for the things you haven’t heard. My friend Xtine has been calling me “listener”, which is a title I couldn’t claim for myself even if I recognized and understood it as being true. You really do need other people to call you on your crap, both good and bad.
Pisces modesty holds me back sometimes. Maybe that Aquarian scrutiny of my friends Hexe and Alexi, with a touch of that raw, firey spirit of my Aries friend Xtine will give me the strength and the wisdom to look in the mirror long enough to do something that matters.
“Do without doing, and the doing gets done.” There’s that crazy rune message again. I keep thinking I have to do something. Twelve years ago, a wise person I knew said, “People don’t need to do anything Paul, they shouldn’t have to do anything. They’re already together.” I thought she was nuts, nuts, nuts at the time. She said, “Your best friend will call and you know you’ll come back to him.”
I thought she was full of it at the time. Except for that weird crawly feeling at the back of my spine that told me I didn’t know squatle-dee-doo.
I mean, one miracle’s enough, right? If you lose the best part of you and it is restored to you, when you thought it was gone forever — well hey I don’t know squatle-dee-doo, but I’d say that’s a pretty good day.
Xtine always said there’s a bonus round. Hell, she IS a bonus round.
Stuff happens without us knowing the how and the why. Dogs and cats, living together without warning, that sort of thing. I was super fortunate to meet and know a best friend forever in this life. I might forget the fun of playtime that reaches the height of consciousness in this life, but can any of that be undone?
I dunno, but it can be made into a living hell while you’re still alive. You can be ground into the dirt and lose everything, and know it as long as you’re alive. The glory of living at a high level of existence can be taken away from you at any time.
I never accepted that. If it was granted, and taken away I screamed and raged until I didn’t know my own name. I just didn’t know the cycle of being lost and returning, of finding and losing. Someone was trying to make a point, that I just didn’t get it. It wasn’t one thing or the other, it was both.
Part of me the last few months had been saying the other thing, but I wasn’t hearing it. “This is how it goes down.” Yeah, but how could it go down like that? It makes no sense! “Because it will. You don’t know squatle-dee-doo, remember?” I couldn’t hear what my instincts were saying. Yeah, I think they’re right, but I haven’t a clue how it could happen. I know nothing. I got beat down, remember?
“You aren’t beat down anymore. Answer the call.”
The phone was ringing, so I picked up. Somebody wanted to talk. I never thought in a year and a day they would. But my wise friend was right. All of a sudden I realized I was okay, and I could see clearly now. A piece of my soul restored, as mysteriously as it had been removed. How does that happen? A bonus miracle, just in case I missed the importance of the first. Judgment Day dude, you are waking up. As many miracles as you need.