Archive for January, 2013

115_menageriecat1I haven’t done a menagerie daily life post in a while, so guess what? Menagerie!

The Battle of the Galaxies, my catch-phrase for the crazy adventure both psychic and non-psychic in which I find myself, continues on. Killer bees, patrol fighters, special assistance cruisers, attack armor, and mega-units. All sorts of constructs are assisting me in the battle.

Plus, I have numerous friends galore helping out with the assist. The famous fifty; love to ya’ll and shout out holler of respect! Hey, every ship and every thought transmission counts here.

The thing about PDX is that it’s essentially a gingerbread house populated by a gigantic witch energy being. All the groovy and delicious wonders of the land are yours to partake of, but you got to give a pound of flesh to the witch first. That means a bloodsucking freak pipeline to your wallet as well as your state of mind.

And holy crumbcake is this entity hungry!

I’ve been busy though, and I haven’t missed much. Figured out who the backstabbers are. Got a handle on how to get help if I need it from the most unlikely of locales. And I even have a plan now that I’ve got an idea of what to focus on and what to ignore.

If nothing else the battle has been worth the trouble because of what I’ve recovered from the past and recognized in the present. This is huge. That frees up energy I hadn’t even known was blocked. It sets me free to do things I hadn’t thought possible. The hold has got some loot I didn’t expect.

I’m whole.

But even though I’m doing everything possible, leaving no option off the table in my battle plan, ultimately I’m at the mercy of luck. This is one of those crazy and courageous ventures you make because you need to, not because it makes sense or is even a sane thing to do.

That gingerbread witch is a large collective entity that needs healing on a massive scale. I’m going all out with maximum warp AND shields, but while she’s taken some hilarious point blank pranks that witch is still ready to party.

It isn’t just me. K has noticed it too and is a little surprised at this plot twist. I see others struggling against the gingerbread witch of PDX as well: regular shakedowns of their live brains and ducats. That battle-ax doesn’t jack everyone exactly the same, but the fear is still there at the base of their spines.

Things are certainly looking bleak, but I still have a few surprises up my sleeves. If I can’t do this now then I could never have done it, and yet I believe now I was correct many years ago in my initial approach to the battle. I just didn’t have enough strength back then. Maybe I don’t even now. But right now anything goes. Watch out!

In the meantime, I’m mining for gold and doing my work despite the duh-buddies, draguloids, and hidden units. My purpose is still the same: To do what I’m meant to do while I’m alive, for the sake of all beings.

I understand that I’m being vague here. It’s hard to be clearer and more accessible when things are so difficult and all-at-once. I’m in the middle of things and doing tremendous work in the realm of the mysterious.

Then again, maybe the point isn’t to defeat the gingerbread witch physically and psychically, or even affect her such that she stops jacking people who live here. By stealing back what was mine, I’ve outwitted her and she can never forget it was me who tricked her.

And just like that, I won.

127_shiva-lingam-kali-yoniThere’s been a mission in my quest station notebook for a while. That’s just how it is. Some adventures sit in the hopper for a long time. Maybe they come to fruition, maybe they don’t. They can hold you back and they can provide structure by reminding you of which inner landscape parts you aren’t choosing to regard.

Mainly I haven’t dealt with it because it’s such a high level I’m unsure whether I could handle the responsibility. I have a difficult enough time with reliably undertaking the basic levels of compassion and maturity as it is. Higher degrees of consciousness are mostly ideals I aspire to in a very caveman gazing at the numen sort of way.

Well, since I’ve broached the initial exploration of communications leader Jessica it figures that the Shiva Message mission started flashing with bright green lights. Green means time to go! Except when it means cool it down.

Actually, cooling down Shiva is part of the worship maneuvers one performs when showing devotion to this divinity. Yeah, Shiva, the cosmic dancer who destroys and blesses. The outsider who knows all the inside pathways of existence. This dude is serious business and doesn’t mess around.

Time to bring out a bunch of old devotional manuscripts from 1994 and examine them again. Get to figuring out where this quest station entry even is anymore. The map goes way back to when I was studying the goddess Kali, the Black Mother, as part of my hanging out with the Dark Goddess. She had jackloads of stuff to show me back in those days.

I had a small art project I was hoping to do–a Shiva message bracelet with bells, semi-precious stones, and various miscellaneous charms. It had to do with a dream I had during my studies, suggesting in a vague way that this is how I would communicate with this divinity. Ring the bracelet when it was done, and boom a message would arrive.

Except that I never finished the project. I gathered all the materials, but stored them away and gradually became distracted. How many video games are like that? You gather up all the plot coupons, only to burn out just before the end of the story and never return.

Now that I read back on my descriptions of those devotions, meditations, and imaginational explorations I realize I was in a very rare state of ecstasy and suffering. Did I really experience these waking dreams, disassociated states, and multi-party conversations with myself?

It is said that even to speak Shiva’s name is to deliver you from ignorance and guarantee salvation. I have to ask ignorance of and salvation from what? My own pitiful state of existence? A lot of Hindu worship seems this way to me—if you can understand then this is great, but if you can’t it’s enough to have the intention. This is tremendous blessing.

All this time I’ve been waiting for the message, but I’d already received it. This seems to be a common theme for me: Getting the message but not seeing it until the time is right. Looks like Shiva did send me a message. I have it written down in one of my meditations:

You will be permitted to find and know what you are seeking—but you must know that if you cannot handle the responsibility of what you seek, you will be destroyed. Good luck Paul.

Oh, crap.