For those not in the know, an advent calendar is a cardboard poster with a series of doors you can pry open, one for each day until Christmas. Behind each door is a colorful picture, saying, or candy chocolate associated with the Christmas season. The ones with candy in them are large and thick, while the picture kind tend to be flat, with only a backing to protect the hidden pictures. The candy kind shows up in the movie Bad Santa, if you’re interested in seeing one and having a good night’s laugh for entertainment.

Okay, even though I get glum at Xmas, I try to get an advent calendar because I love the idea of opening a door on something every day to get a new scene/fortune/candy. K and I each got one of those ones where you get a piece of chocolate behind the doors. She picked one with a bunch of animals being left hay, nuts, berries and the like by Santa. Now, I don’t see him leaving any steaks for the carnivores, so I’m a little dubious. I have to assume Santa is going off to visit them next, because the carnivores might decide a fresh rabbit is better than a fresh t-bone. I don’t know. Mine is the generic angel kids fluttering about decorating trees and delivering presents. But then I chose mine not for the scene but randomly – I wants the chocolates, not the pictures! I like K’s better though, because her scene is cute. Santa helps the ani-mani-mals!

So December 1st rolls around. K and I open our first door. She gets a nice picture of a choo choo train and a matching chocolate (a choo choo train in a toy, and toys are often an Xmas theme). I open mine up, and uh…huh? There’s a picture of a piece of wood. I suppose wood makes sense in that Xmas usually is celebrated when winter is on its way, and you want a nice roasting fire. But that’s pretty odd. The candy chocolate is a wrapped present, which is on base for the season. Except that it doesn’t match the picture! Here’s the rundown of the Advent Calendar of Doom so far:

Dec 1
Picture: A block of wood
Candy: A wrapped present

Dec 2
Picture: A doll
Candy: A church

Dec 3
Picture: Santa Claus
Candy: A snowman holding a broom

Dec 4
Picture: A pair of ornaments
Candy: A four leaf clover (???)

Dec 5
Picture: A snowflake
Candy: An evergreen tree

Dec 6
Picture: Three evergreen trees
Candy: A squirrel eating a nut

Dec 7
Picture: A fireplace (The block of wood makes sense now)
Candy: A Valentine’s Day Heart (?!?!)

Dec 8
Picture: A decorated Christmas Tree
Candy: A Christmas wreath

Dec 9
Picture: Two gnomes chit-chatting
Candy: A deer with a bow tie and no eyes (…)

Something ain’t right here.