Mon 4 Jan 2010
Remembering Smoked Oysters
Posted by laup under Discussion, Meditations, Outbreak, Random Encounters, Supernal Diver, Weirdie
[3] Comments
My job stuff, along with romantic stuff, is off limits on this blog-a-roo. But again I find exceptions creeping in. Something Captain Picard in Star Trek: TNG said about laws being unjust as long as they are absolute. That is, inhuman.
Inexplicably, a tale from my past keeps coming back to me this holiday season, and so I must reckon with it. That is, after all, the purpose of this starship adventure I find myself traveling along.
There was this time I allowed love to enter into my house, and it tore my furnishings asunder as if it had been one terrible tumult of super-accelerated fireballs. You see—I received as an Xmas gift a CD of an album I listened to in depth a great deal during this time.
I’d already been thinking of my past love in the crumbled corners of my mind, but to get those songs (and cheesy, adolescent songs they seem to me now—though still with great meaning) at this time, it’s as if I’m opening up a door I’d held long closed. One I’d rather not revisit, as pleasant and as magical as some of the things I’d jammed behind it are.
But enough! Wraiths of torment, I release you from your burdens of guarding these treasured memories. Away with the tender keepsakes and wondrous insights of affection dwelling in a tightened tomb. Let treasures sparkle in bright sun and with open offering to those who find them compelling.
Not into the dark, but into the light where this soft, glowing memory howls in vivid, windswept peaks and heat-soaked hills of elevated spaciousness.
I’m remembering a certain love I got to know during tennis class. Our late night talks together, one of which led to our first passionate kiss. The laser Van Halen show we watched together, and the smoked oysters we had one night in my room. Walking alone in a field at night and collapsing with giddy delight so strong I had an out-of-body-experience.
Then the frustrations and misunderstandings with one another. Each of us wanting different things and not having the wisdom to either recognize that or work it out. Culminating in a break up in a hamburger diner that no longer exists, the two of us going our separate ways yet heartbroken and shaken by passions perhaps no human being knows how to make whole.
She married my rival and has a family now.
Me, I would wander many cold and empty paths to come. Into darkness so terrible many never come back. But I came back and I didn’t know why or how.
Now I know why. I said, “yes.”
Yes to love no matter what the consequences. It sent me straight to hell, but I held onto it fast as painful and disappointing as love turned before it tossed me aside face first into knowledge of my own death.
To those who have loved, that is how you answer evil. You say yes.
Yes! Yes, a wonderful word, a word of freedom and expanse, which releases all bonds and opens the door to the buried secrets you kept within. Hoping beyond hope that an understanding would come. That it would make sense before you die.
Could I ever have imagined I would share this now, in this time, with the whole universe of those who use computers? To try and unburden my soul of even a smidgen of the choices I have made and bear the blame for?
Down the rabbit hole and up again, to witness the vast expanse of what love transforms before us.
Believe it!
Amen, brother. Thank you for sharing this.
Dear Le Petit Pouce, Hexe calls “Remembering Smoked Oysters” as “Karma kicked your arse” when you least expected it. Luckily, however, we all have those moments described in your post. You are not alone my Tristan. If you remember in “Tristan & Isolde” while Tristan eventually dies in Isolde’s arms after uttering his last words of “You were right. I don’t know if life is greater than death. But love was more than either.” Your heritage, perhaps…. Hexe in her many many years of existence on this plane understands and accepts that it doesn’t happen “just once”…. it revisits during odd parts of one’s life trying to set right the universe for whatever reason and making sure we have learned lessons and are not bound to keep repeating repeating and repeating failed mistakes. Karma can be a mean witch and at times you have to let her have her way. Hex has discovered that by accepting the message from Kar, life is once again set back to “balance” on the “scale” and one moves on to the next adventure thrown at us mere mortals (or is that you mere mortal – I am Hexe the Incorrigigle) ….. whatever – there are rules and there are rules. Some have an easier time dealing with them. You passed a test and learned and moved on and came out of the rabbit hole. How fortunate for you Le Petit – because you may not have to go back and have to repeat and learn the same lesson again. Hexe is proud of you …. want a warm hot cross bun from the oven with sprinkles of lord knows what on top…..
You hit the nail on the head with a loud bang Hexe Witchiepoo. Karma is exactly what it was. There are definite advantages to you being you, my sweet honeysuckle breeze.
I hadn’t thought about it in terms of Tristan and Isolde, but my adventure certainly had many similar elements to Arthurian romance. I often felt like the knights of the court did, in heavy introspection and deep inspiration at the pains of love.
I’d heard many other phrases but not that specific one. The Tristan/Isolde story was serious business for those troubadours! Maybe it’s time I picked up the story again and read it through for completeness sake.
What will the universe throw my way next? Who can say. But there’s certainly an adjustment there in my way of thinking which I won’t soon forget, you are the big dude winnar! I’ll have that bun; who doesn’t like surprises?